From day one of our consciousness, we begin building a life of certainty. A life where we call all the shots, and if we are good and careful and even smart enough, things work out exactly how we plan. And, for the most part, our childish minds can build that sort of life, even if we don’t live that reality. Our imaginations can compensate for a lot at that age, not to mention, the way our psyche is wired by God for survival, most times we get through.
But when we become adults, childish ways don’t work anymore and we face the reality that life doesn’t work out how you plan and at the time, the pain can be almost unbearable. I discovered early on that I had control issues because I never wanted my adult life to come anywhere close to my childhood and I worked really hard, sometimes to the hurt of those around me, to ensure that never happened. If most of us were honest, we all have control issues to some degree, primarily because the world is an uncontrollable place. We try to be perfect or enough so that pain is at a minimum for us and our families and God is used as a security guard against all the hell in the world against us. We worry our prayers and end up having a co-dependent or dysfunctional relationship with God based on our fears instead of our trust. BEEN THERE! DONE THAT! More times than I can count.
As with most people, my childhood was less than perfect and my parents’ marriage ended in a devastating divorce when I was 18 years old. I had four other sisters, two of which I had really grown up with and two younger siblings that were quite young when I flew the nest. The three oldest got married and started lives of their own and the two younger moved with my mother out of state to begin their lives again. I will never know how painful those years were for them and I ache for their losses. I had my man and my future and I was “outta here”! Which I think most kids that age run when they are old enough to and especially when circumstances like these are tearing their families apart.
But running didn’t solve anything, I had pain of my own to deal with and deal with it, I did, for decades after that. But an amazing thing happened to me today, as I looked at a family picture of my mother, myself and my four sisters all grown up, thinking about Mother’s Day. In an instant, I saw all of our lives contextualized in that photo of strength, brokenness, survival and resilience! In an instant, I could see that each of us had picked up our lives and moved on from those broken moments in our teens. By the grace and blessing of God and our determination, to never give up, here we are. Not perfect, but women who have paid a great price to obtain peace in their own souls and whose greatest joy is in loving and raising their families. Lives, that through trial and tribulation and the faithfulness of God are highly valued and cherished beyond any sorrow that could ever touch them!
God is good. Yes. God is truly good!!!
May Christ be Glorified in All!